Mostly Mean-Spirited One-Liners

“Knocked Up” (Troll + babe + one night stand = bun in oven; yuks ensue): About a Boink

Katharine Heigl, Seth Rogen: She’s having his baby — dream on, you fat fuck!

“St Elmo’s Fire” (Saccharine Brat Pack yackfest): Treacle me Elmo

Lowe, Moore, Estevez, Sheedy, Nelson, Winningham, McCarthy: The Seven Bummers of the Eighties World.

“Raging Bull” (Palooka takes dive, loses soul, gains pounds): Bull — steaming piles of it

Robert De Niro: La Motta Be in Pictures.

“The Champ” (Kiddie sees Pop, a pug, die in prizefight): The sticky sweet science

Ricky Schroeder and Jon Voight, directed by boxing maven Franco Zeffirelli — A.J. Liebling he ain’t.

“Rocky” (Tomato can gets chance, goes distance, loses bout, wins geekette): Idiot, box!

Sylvester Stallone, Burgess Meredith: Punchy’s cornerman, the Penguin, makes with the tips, life lessons.

“Pretty Maids All in a Row” (Rock Hudson drops trou in misogynist schlock): Rock bottom

Take off them duds! The lovely, lovely Angie Dickinson is Rock’s beard.

“On the Waterfront” (Love makes hero rat of tanker bum): Catharsis for a cheese-eater

Lee Cobb, Brando, Steiger: Hothead dickers with meathead; fathead looks on.

“With a Song in My Heart” (Saucy cripple croons, suffers, overacts): Hobbledehoyden

Susan Hayward as Jane Froman: Valiant, full-throated gimp lures nutjob Robert Wagner into her crutches.

“Meet John Doe” (Capra thumps sugary populism tub . . . again): Hooey, dewy and gooey

Walter Brennan, Gary Cooper, Sterling Holloway: Doe boys.

“Blood and Sand” (Torero Ty repents his pride too late, pays): Schmaltz of the Toreadors

Rita Hayworth, Tyrone Power, Anthony Quinn: Two beauties, one beast.