Mostly Mean-Spirited One-Liners
“The Theory of Everything” (Genius gets chair, yet refuses to die): Pretty, lame
Charlie Cox to Eddie Redmayne: ‘Oy, Einstein — simplify this equation: I’m shaggin’ yer missus!’
“Milk” (The Martyrdom of Saint Harvey): Fagiography
Sean Penn: Gay for pay. You’ll find Coca-Cola, junk foods and Twinkies in Aisle One, Mr White.
“Silence of the Lambs” (Cannibal gives FBI leads and clues with his mouth full): Carrion doctor
Cage free: Anthony Hopkins savors first bite of fresh-killed breast of turnkey.
“Klute” (Killer stalks sulky call-girl Hanoi Jane; suspect list is phone book): ‘Tis Pity She’s a Bore
Ho’ hum: Jane Fonda as Bree Daniels, the Full-Breasted Bummer.
“Sweet Charity” (The Rape of Cabiria): Main Stem hippies according to Doc Simon
Sammy Davis Jr & the Bob Fosse Frugsters. Doc Simon puts the deli in psychedelic.
“With Six You Get Eggroll” (Brady Bunch forerunner, and worse): Doris Day’s last, thank God
Six squaresville writers say these are hippies: With Six You Get Assholes. Abandon all hip, ye who enter here!
“Doctor Zhivago” (Russian lust upon the burning Spanish steppes): Carry on, Doctor!
Julie Christie, Omar Sharif: Time and again in Russia the mother/Yuri and Lara bump into each other.
“My Fair Lady” (Tyrant toff turns hoyden into proper fucking lady): Irritable Vowel Syndrome
Audrey Hepburn, Rex Harrison: The baggage says “the rain in Spain.”/By George, it was an awful strain.
“55 Days at Peking” (Boxer Rebellion or Chinese firedrill? You decide): Peking muck
Hot and sour group: Elizabeth Sellars (I never!), David Niven (I say!), Robert Helpmann (I inscrutable), Chuckles Heston (I robot!), Countess Ava Gardner (Me thirsty!). Nobody no rikee.
“Strike Up the Band” (Mickey, Judy put on show; Barn Again!): Hum drum
Rooney, Garland: Soda jerks.